Chapter 9 - The Audit of My Life
The apartment was silent,
the air smelling of the spilled noodles and the copper tang of Austin’s blood.
The police had taken them away,
leaving me alone in the wreckage of my marriage.
I spent the next three hours with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge.
I scrubbed the shrimp-flavored broth off the walls,
the rhythmic motion of my hand a form of meditation.
I realized that for seven years,
I had been cleaning up their messes,
both literal and financial.
I had been the one to fix the leaky faucets,
the broken hearts,
and the empty bank accounts.
I had thought that by being the strong one,
I was being a good wife.
But I wasn't a wife,
I was an insurance policy.
I walked into the guest room,
Bernice’s room,
and began throwing her things into trash bags.
The expensive sweaters I had bought her for Christmas.
The silk scarves I had brought back from my business trips.
The jewelry that Keaton had bought her using 'our' money.
I found a small box hidden under the mattress.
Inside were pawn shop tickets.
She hadn't even been keeping the gifts I gave her.
She had been hocking them to give Austin more cash for the blackjack tables.
The betrayal was so deep,
so calculated,
that it almost felt impressive.
I sat on the bed,
the weight of the silence finally pressing down on me.
I had twelve thousand dollars a month now.
I had a career that was soaring.
I had an apartment that,
once the fraud was cleared,
would be entirely mine.
And yet,
the nursery I had dreamed of was empty.
I realized that the baby I had wanted with Keaton would have been just another hostage in their game.
I felt a sudden,
sharp sense of gratitude for the promotion.
If I hadn't gotten that raise,
I might not have looked at the receipts.
I might have kept paying,
kept believing,
until the house was truly gone.
I stood up,
tying the knot on the last trash bag.
The audit of my life was complete.
The liabilities had been removed.
May you like
The assets were secured.
And the bottom line was finally in the black.
