Chapter 5 - What My Sons Really Thought of Me
I asked Evelyn if I could meet the boys.
She agreed.
But she warned me.
“They may not forgive you.”
“I understand.”
“They may never forgive you.”
“I understand.”
We met at a quiet park.
Julian and Miles sat on a bench.
I approached slowly.
Julian looked at me.
“You came.”
“Yes.”
Miles nodded.
“You knew about the trust?”
“No.”
They exchanged a glance.
Julian asked:
“Would you have come if you knew?”
I thought carefully.
“No.”
His face fell.
“At least you're honest.”
“I've spent too long lying to myself.”
Miles looked at me.
“Why did you leave?”
I sat across from them.
“Because I was selfish.”
“That doesn't explain it.”
“No.”
I took a breath.
“I thought success meant becoming someone important.”
Julian said:
“You were already important.”
I looked at him.
“To us?”
He shrugged.
“You could have been.”
That hurt more than anger.
“I thought money would make me happy.”
Miles laughed bitterly.
“Did it?”
I looked at him.
“No.”
“Then why stay away?”
I had no answer.
Finally I said:
“Because every year I waited made returning harder.”
Julian nodded.
“That makes sense.”
“You understand?”
“I understand that people get scared.”
He looked at me.
“But I don't forgive you.”
“I don't expect you to.”
Miles asked:
“Are you going to disappear again?”
“No.”
“Promise?”
I nodded.
“I promise.”
Julian looked away.
“We don't need your money.”
“I know.”
“We don't need your company.”
“I know.”
“We don't need you to buy us anything.”
“I know.”
Miles finally looked at me.
“We just want to know why you suddenly care.”
I swallowed.
“Because you're my sons.”
Julian's eyes softened slightly.
“That's not enough.”
“I know.”
“Then what is?”
I thought about it.
“Time.”
Neither boy spoke.
“I can't give you back thirteen years.”
I continued.
“But I can give you every year I have left.”
Miles looked at Julian.
Then back at me.
“We'll see.”
It wasn't forgiveness.
But it wasn't rejection.
For now, that was enough.
As I stood to leave, Julian said:
“Dad?”
I froze.
It was the first time.
I turned.
He looked uncomfortable.
“Are you coming to the next tournament?”
I smiled.
“If you want me there.”
He nodded.
“Okay.”
I walked away.
May you like
And for the first time in thirteen years, I felt something I had almost forgotten.
Hope.
