Chapter 9 - The Night Lily Asked About Her FatherWhen Lily turned four, she began asking questions.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?”
“Where is my daddy?”
I froze.
I had known this day would come.
I sat beside her.
“Your daddy made some very bad choices.”
“Is he bad?”
I thought carefully.
“No.”
She looked confused.
“He did bad things,” I explained. “That doesn't mean every part of him was bad.”
“Does he love me?”
I swallowed.
“I think he does.”
“Can I see him?”
I wasn't ready.
But I didn't want to lie.
“Someday.”
“When?”
“When you're old enough to understand.”
She nodded.
Then hugged me.
“Okay.”
That night, after she went to sleep, I sat alone on the balcony.
Denver's lights stretched beneath me.
The same skyline I had once looked at while believing my life was falling apart.
Now it looked beautiful.
My phone rang.
It was Marcus.
“I have an update.”
“What happened?”
“Ryan has been released on parole.”
I closed my eyes.
“How long?”
“Two weeks.”
“Is he allowed to contact Lily?”
“Not without court approval.”
“Good.”
There was silence.
Then Marcus said:
“You don't have to meet him.”
“I know.”
“But if you do…”
“I'll decide.”
I looked through the glass doors.
Lily was asleep.
Safe.
Happy.
Loved.
That was all that mattered.
Two weeks later, Ryan appeared outside the building.
Security stopped him.
I saw him through the window.
He looked older.
Thinner.
He wasn't the man I remembered.
He held a small stuffed rabbit.
Security called me.
“Do you want us to remove him?”
I watched Ryan standing alone.
Then I said:
“No.”
I walked downstairs.
We stood several feet apart.
He looked at me.
“Claire.”
“Ryan.”
“I brought this for Lily.”
I looked at the rabbit.
“Thank you.”
He nodded.
“I don't expect anything.”
“I know.”
“I just wanted to see you once.”
I studied him.
“Why?”
“To say goodbye.”
My heart tightened.
“Goodbye?”
“I've accepted that you don't want me in your life.”
I nodded.
“I don't.”
He swallowed.
“But I hope someday Lily will know I loved her.”
I looked at him.
“I'll tell her the truth.”
He nodded.
Then he turned.
“Ryan.”
He stopped.
“I hope you become a better man.”
He looked back.
“So do I.”
Then he walked away.
I returned upstairs.
Lily was still asleep.
I placed the rabbit beside her.
She smiled when she saw it the next morning.
“Mommy!”
“What?”
“Daddy sent me this?”
“Yes.”
She hugged it.
Then she looked at me.
“Is he okay?”
I smiled.
“I think he's trying to be.”
And that was enough.
Not forgiveness.
May you like
Not reconciliation.
Just peace.
